Accepting Criticism Like a Pro
Identifying Constructive and Destructive Criticism and Responding Gracefully
Listen, I know what you’re thinking: No one wants to be a professional at receiving or accepting criticism. This is because no one wants to be offered enough critical feedback to become a pro at accepting it. However: Unlike everything else I talk about in Shelf Life, accepting criticism like an absolute pro is something you can learn in the time it takes you to read one Shelf Life and does not require any study or practice. If you read this Shelf Life to the end, you will know how to do it.
Why would you want to know how to accept criticism like a pro? If you are reading Shelf Life, there’s a good chance you write or would like to start writing. Writers receive tremendous amounts of feedback on their creative work and some of that feedback is likely to be critical. Alpha and beta readers, copyeditors, development editors, agents, and acquiring editors are all going to give an author feedback on their writing. If an author should decide to skip all that—to go right from the manuscript in their hand to the self-published state, bypassing any of those feedback-giving entities I mentioned above, the book goes straight to readers—who then have the rest of eternity to praise or criticize that book as much as they wish.
Editors and agents are mostly professionals themselves, and most of them know how to deliver criticism in a professional way. Beta readers and critique partners tend to be writers themselves, or friends or friendly acquaintances of the author who solicited their feedback, and so may be more motivated to deliver any criticism tactfully. Not so readers. Readers are brutal, their criticisms are usually public, and there is no controlling what they might say about a book.
Any author who publishes a book opens themself to receiving criticism, is what I am trying to say.
I need to preface this by saying that an author of a published book should never—that is, not ever—respond to a review posted by a reader. Not even to say “thank you.” If somebody gives your book a glowing review in the New York Times, is it okay to say “thank you” then? No. Send the link to your publisher and ask them to send the reviewer a thank you note and a bottle of champagne.
Although I’m citing book readers as a source of criticism—and they are—it is never appropriate to respond to a reader’s review.
Back to the main thread. Many writers also have day jobs and, then, many Shelf Life readers who do not themselves write or want to have day jobs. If you have a job, you probably receive feedback on your work and that feedback may sometimes contain criticism. Accepting criticism like a pro in your workplace is a foundational soft-skill for getting ahead. As both a boss of others (15+ years) and a person who has a boss (25+ years), I cannot say this enough. Read to the end of this Shelf Life. Write down the secret weapon for receiving and responding to criticism. Keep it handy and use it.
There are lots of ways to respond to criticism. Infinite ways, probably. I don’t know, I can’t count to infinity. I can barely count to thirty. Here are some things you can do in response to criticism, for instance, of your writing:
Consider it carefully
Make changes to your manuscript in light of it
Ignore it
Argue with the person who provided it
Ghost the person who provided it
Post an online rebuttal
All of those are things people do all the time—or have done at least one time, in the case of the final bullet. I would say that “all of these” are normal human reactions to criticism, except that final one is not a normal reaction. Not all of the items in that bullet list are a great look for a person who has received critical feedback, but they’re all pretty natural reactions. You can break the first six bullets down into three types (or categories) of response: Receptive, unresponsive, or defensive.
Criticism comes in plenty of varieties but of some importance to this discussion let’s consider constructive criticism and destructive criticism. Constructive criticism attempts to improve the work being criticized or to help the person who created the work grow and improve. Destructive criticism attempts to destroy, break down, or impede the growth of the work or the person who created it.
Let’s say I read someone’s short story draft and it is not in a near-publishable state at this time, it has some serious issues, however, the concept is strong and it has good bones. I could deliver constructive criticism:
“This story needs some work, but you’re off to a good start and some thoughtful revision could make this shine.”
Or I could deliver destructive criticism:
“This story is a mess. I’m not sure there’s any point in revising. Maybe you should trunk this one and try something else.”
I hope it goes without saying that people should not be receptive toward destructive criticism. If the purpose of the criticism is to break down and discourage, then there’s no reason to be receptive toward that. There’s no reason to give it careful consideration. It wasn’t provided for the purpose of improving the work or helping you grow, so you can’t use it.
However, it’s not always so easy to identify constructive versus destructive criticism. Here are two more examples about the same imaginary short story from above. I could deliver constructive criticism poorly so that it is hurtful to the author:
“Yikes, this is really rough. I think you’re going to have to do a full teardown and maybe retell from another perspective. The choice of narrator was really poor and isn’t working.”
Or I could deliver destructive, unhelpful criticism of the story that bolsters the author’s ego and feels pleasant to receive:
“I love it! So good!”
The latter isn’t really criticism per se, but it is destructive feedback in the sense that I have offered nothing to improve the work or the author, to help them grow, or to help the work get closer to publishable. In fact, I’m encouraging them to go forward with a work I know isn’t ready for prime time. The former, on the other hand, might be a truly helpful critical suggestion—to retell the story from another perspective—but it was delivered in a mean way that is unlikely to inspire the author be receptive.
Going back to the bullet list above in which I listed out the ways someone might respond to criticism: Which is the correct response to take first? “Consider it carefully” might look like the only acceptable option from that list. Naturally, you can’t decide whether you want to use criticism or toss it without considering it first, right?
However, if the feedback is destructive, you don’t even want to consider it carefully. In the case of destructive criticism, should you argue? Or ignore?
The answer is none of the above. While all of the things on that list are responses to criticism, none of the things on that list should be the first reaction to criticism. This is the beauty of the “accepting criticism like a pro” tactic: You don’t even have to first evaluate whether it is destructive or constructive, helpful or unhelpful, well-meant or ill. You can respond like a pro as soon as you have read or even skimmed through the feedback you received.
Regardless of the nature or content of the feedback received, the response should be thus:
“Thank you for this feedback.”
That’s literally the correct response in 100 percent of situations where you receive feedback.
Now sometimes you are just not going to want to say the above boilerplate line. Perhaps the feedback is blatantly rude and the last thing you want to say to the person is “thanks.” Or perhaps you can see at a glance that their criticism is unreasonable—maybe the critic is saying things that are factually incorrect. Or perhaps you can see that the feedback is objectively correct but it’s nitpicky. The feeling of defensiveness will start to form (or perhaps it immediately snaps into place) and you may feel the impulse to argue. Maybe you feel the urge to close the email and pretend it never happened. To move on like you never even received the criticism.
If so, you might add this:
“Thank you for this feedback. I’m going to consider it carefully. I’ll be in touch if I have any questions.”
This leaves the door open for you to follow up later with clarifying questions if you have any.
I’m going to borrow a handful of examples from real experience, and I hope no one feels personally called out. Here’s an example: An early reader notes that you’ve used the word banquette where booth would have sufficed, and she’s unsure if the average reader will know what a banquette is.
After receiving the feedback and thanking her for the feedback, I might want to reach out with a clarifying question. For instance, I might think of a different way to phrase it altogether and want to get her thoughts. What I do not want to do is get back with her and argue about whether people know what a banquette is or not, or explain to her why I used the word banquette instead of booth in the first place.
The criticism flows to the person whose work is being criticized. There is no value in arguing with a beta reader or trying to explain to them what I was trying to do. What would I even hope to gain by arguing? Maybe she says, “Sure, you’re right after all, I guess people know what a banquette is,” and then I leave the word in. I could have made that decision on my own and left the word in anyway and skipped the whole argument part. The purpose of seeking her feedback was to get an early reader response. Reader responses can guide revision but you can’t argue with someone’s impression of what they read.
Another example: A colleague told me recently they had received lengthy feedback on a project; they felt the feedback was objectively true but not representative in spirit of the quality of work they had done. The critical feedback listed a number of small, nitpicky items—that were true—but out of context; while the client had no complaint with 99 percent of the work on the project, they sent an entire critical memo on the 1 percent of things they were unhappy with. She was unsure how to respond to that message so she simply didn’t.
Friend, don’t ghost! Just hit em with the: “Thank you for this feedback. I’m going to consider it carefully. I’ll be in touch if I have any questions.”
She said, “But it’s been three weeks. It’s too late.”
Well, that changes everything. In that case hit em with the: “Thank you for this feedback. I’ve just gotten back from a trip and I’m turning to this now. Will consider it carefully. I’ll be in touch if I have any questions.”
Third example: Another colleague received criticism from a third party that he felt was unfair. The third party’s assessment of his work was not in good faith, in his opinion. He felt his work was strong and that the third party was being unreasonable with their criticism. What should he say in this situation?
“Thank you for this feedback. This is really helpful.”
It may be in his best interest to have a follow up conversion with the third party rather than letting the criticism stand. It may affect his working relationship with that person in the future. However, the time to make an argument is not on the spot. I provided some counsel in this situation and said, in essence, that this third party wanted an argument and the best move was not to give it to them.
After he’s had a chance to count to ten, walk the dog around the block, throw in a load of laundry, do some yoga, or whatever, then he can try to distill any helpful feedback out of the criticism he received. As the third party was not his supervisor, he could also go to his supervisor to say that he’s received some critical feedback and can they incorporate it into his coaching plan. He and his supervisor can then determine whether there’s anything valid or useful in the feedback he received.
The important takeaway is that whenever you receive feedback or criticism, you should acknowledge receipt of it and thank the person who provided it. Even if it’s total garbage or was provided in a meanspirited way. This response demonstrates grace and receptiveness to feedback, which is always a good look. And if someone is hoping to get a rise out of you, then you may enjoy the distinct pleasure of disappointing them.
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